A 7 year old boy is having dinner with his parents when suddenly he announces that me and Jane next door are getting married. "Oh" says the mother amused, "How old is Jane?. "Six", says the boy. "What are you going to do for money?" asks the father. The boy says, "I get 5 dollars a week allowance and Jane gets 3 dollars. Together we'll be okay." "What will you do if you have children?" asks the father. The boy says, "Well, so far we've been lucky."
A man calls the police department stating that he heard gunshots at his neighbor's next door apartment. A policeman quickly arrives and knocks on the door, A lady answers the door with a gun her hand, The cop is shocked and while standing in the hall, he asked the lady "What happened?' 'I just shot my husband." She says "Why did you do that? the cop asks "I just washed the floor and my husband walked all over it." she says The cop doesn't know what to do so he called his captain and tells him the story. The captain tells him to go in and arrest her. The cop says "Are you kidding me? I'm not going in there.The floor is still wet."
A director and his aide of an insane asylum decided to take a few of his so called residents (crazies) to a baseball game. Every day for about a week before the game, he took them aside and instructed them what to say, what to do and how to behave so nothing would go wrong. Finally the day comes and they go to the baseball game. They are about to sing the national anthym and the director says, "UP NUTS." They all stand for the national anthym. When it's over, he says, "DOWN NUTS." and they all sit down. Later in the game, a home team player hits a home run. The director says, "CHEER NUTS" and they all start clapping and yelling just like all the other fans. Later on, an umpire makes a bad call against the home team and he says, "BOO NUTS" and they all start booing the umpire. Everything is going good so the director decides to get some refreshments. On the way back with the refreshments, he sees a big riot has broken out. The police and security are there and all the fans around them are yelling and screaming. He goes over to his aide and asks, "What happened?" The aide says, "Every thing was going fine until this guy walked by and started yelling, "PEANUTS."