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 Jokes

A place to share jokes, funny stories, and to just laugh in general :-)



Please remember this board can be (and is) accessed by children.
All jokes should be family friendly.
No profanity
No jokes of a sexual nature

KEEP IT PG rated

Thanks!



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15. October 2018, 06:35:30
rabbitoid 
2 years without a publication and then it's a SPAM.
Bye, joke board

25. February 2010, 07:20:33
rabbitoid 
Subject: Re: Fresh stuff
cowboynoel: Non chess players might have a bit of trouble with those

5. May 2009, 21:27:12
rabbitoid 
Subject: Duh
They once said that a black man would be President when pigs flew.

His first 100 days and - wham , Pig's flu !!!

3. March 2008, 09:14:43
rabbitoid 
Subject: Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Modified by rabbitoid (3. March 2008, 09:17:12)
Ferris Bueller: Nicolas Sarkozy: Casse-toi alors à l'autre coté, pauvre con, va!!

(add translation): "so scram and get over to the other side, dumb jerk"

27. October 2007, 14:20:20
rabbitoid 
groan@coan.net

9. July 2007, 07:50:14
rabbitoid 
I know I have to look up this word in a dictionary. As soon as I will, I'll reply to the post.

27. February 2007, 09:31:02
rabbitoid 
Subject: entries to a washington post competition
entries to a washington post competition asking for a two-line rhyme
with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,
and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are
dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

27. August 2006, 20:17:55
rabbitoid 
Subject: Re: not as aloof as assummed!
King Reza: Oh, that's just to confuse the tourists. Is farsi phonetic?

27. August 2006, 18:40:54
rabbitoid 
Subject: Re: not as aloof as assummed!
Modified by rabbitoid (27. August 2006, 18:41:17)
Gentlegiant101: Thanks for clearing up this mystery for me! I had never figured out why english speakers want to cat to each other.

20. January 2006, 12:44:39
rabbitoid 
Subject: Important virus warning
There's a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-lsolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-AII-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it, the next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

This virus is DEADLY (Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster
).

Update 1-12-05: After extensive testing it has been concluded that: Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require more generous application.

18. December 2005, 07:42:58
rabbitoid 
Subject: The good, the bad and the ugly
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.

Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She is a Lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

12. December 2005, 11:53:58
rabbitoid 
Subject: Re:
amandalove: good for NY! shooting rabbits from a moving trolley, indeed!!

13. April 2005, 21:54:27
rabbitoid 
Subject: political education
Modified by rabbitoid (29. August 2005, 22:35:30)
Little Johnny comes home from school with a request for his father:



"Dad, I need to do a homework about politics and how government works. Can you help me?"



"Sure, that's easy", says the father. "It's sufficient to compare the government and society with our family:

I'm the money earner, call me the capitalist.

Your mom manages the family and spends the money: she's the government.

Your nanny works for us, she's the working class.

You are the people.

Your little brother George is the future generation.

Have you got all that?"



"Yes, I think so", answers little Johnny.



During the night, Little Johnny is awakened by George, who is crying. He gets up and sees that George needs to be changed. He goes to his parents' room and tries to wake his mother, but she's fast asleep. His dad isn't in bed. He goes to look for the nanny and finds his father deep... ah... in conversation with her. In the meanwhile George has calmed down, so Johnny goes back to sleep.



Next day at breakfast, Johnny tells his father:



"Dad, I now understand all about politics!"



"Really? What do you make of it?



"It's simple. I understand that capitalism screws the working class while the government's asleep, deaf to the calls of the people and happy to leave the future generation in s****!"

14. November 2004, 13:01:42
rabbitoid 
that's ok, I've beed had like that too. it's a good example of what can go wrong with clicking :)

14. November 2004, 12:57:09
rabbitoid 
click on the link

14. November 2004, 12:48:48
rabbitoid 
Subject: Re: unfortunate name LMFAO
Stievie, leaving that link is a VERY bad idea. you've had better ones.

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