It would have been nice to have something more than a couple of riddles, but at least we are getting some action. This one will be appreciated by the native English speakers, so apologies to those to whom English is a second (or third) language:
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction. The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'" His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
Why don't we have more jokes? Is it that something funny happens only once or twice a year? I have posted here three times in 18 months, and only one other joke since July 2019. I know how important it is to win games, but what what about a bit of fun along the way. If three people will post a joke her in the next seven days, I post another three. Promise!!
A group of 40-year-olds discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally they agree to meet at Mario’s restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.
Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally they agree to meet at Mario’s because the food there is very good and the wine selection isn’t bad.
Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group once again agrees to meet at Mario’s because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again agrees to meet at Mario’s because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again agrees to meet at Mario’s because they have never been there before!
mook53lhd: I know this is not funny, but really, if you feel it important to contribute to discussion boards, at least try to take the time to construct real English sentences. They normally begin with an upper case letter, and if you use two spaces between sentences, then they become even more readable. Posts by people who do not take the time and trouble to make them clear and lucid are really not worth reading. Please don't actually post any jokes unless you can present them clearly.
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice, even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.
Even though you won't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son, Tony
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!
PSS: Call when it is safe for me to come home.
The Queen (of England, Australia, New Zealand, Canada etc. (Elizabeth II)) was touring Austalia and attended a film premiere.
At the end of the movie, all of the people involved in the production of he film were lined up in he foyer of the theatre. As she walked along the line of people she stopped by one man and asked:
"And what part did you play in the produstion?"
"Well, actually, Your Majesty, I was the photographer"
The Queen (remembering the husband of her sister, Margaret (Anthony Armstrong-Jones)) replied:
"How interesting, I have a brother-in-law who's a photographer."
To which the photographer replied:
"Well what a coincidence. I have a brother-in-law who's a queen"
(hide) Play a game in real time with an online opponent! For this to be possible, you and your opponent have to select the action "Move and stay here" as default and then reload the page with the F5 key! (TeamBundy) (show all tips)