OLD VERSION:



The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,

building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.



The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances

and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm

and well fed.



The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in

the cold.



MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!



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MODERN VERSION:



The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,

building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.



The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances

and plays the summer away.



Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press

conference and demands to know why the ant should be

allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and

starving.



CNN, CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of

the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in

his comfortable home with a table filled with food.



America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this

be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper

is allowed to suffer so?



Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper,

and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being

Green."



Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration (for a donation fee

of $20,000) in front of the ant's house where the news

stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."

Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for

the grasshopper's sake.



Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with

Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back

of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax

hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."



Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-

Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the

summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate

number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay

his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the

government.



Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper

in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried

before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a

list of single-parent welfare recipients.



The ant loses the case.



The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up

the last bits of the ant's food while the government

house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old

house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain

it.



The ant has disappeared in the snow.



The grasshopper is found dead in a d*** related incident

and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang

of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.





MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican