ketchuplover:

melted

BadBoy7: That was very funny.

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.
A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.

Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so stupid to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.

The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."

over there!

pgt:

No jokes for about six months! What a sad world!

Ok!!

Someone stole my credit card, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did!

2 out of 3 words using the letters s a m p aren't bad

water bed is frozen" - Rodney Dangerfield

the 5th of November

They fell in glove :)

pgt:

INFINITE GUFFAWAGE :)

ooookkkkk

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought “That’s the last thing I need!”

stingray1: Yep yep good

haha

Q. What goes oh! oh! oh!?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What kind of music do Santa's helpers like?
A. Wrap music!

Q.What's every parent's favorite Christmas carol?
A. Silent Night!

pgt:

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

stingray1: correcting my typo to wrap music,

Where do mummies go for a swim? Answer : to the dead sea !!! To
What kind of music do mummies like? Answer: wrap must !!!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

with launching the United States' nuclear arsenal ....citizens are encouraged to evacuate now!

And nothing funny has happened in the whole world for two months!

pgt: :) :)

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

Stay away from negative people, they have a problem for every solution.

Albert Einstein

pgt: True!

It would have been nice to have something more than a couple of riddles, but at least we are getting some action. This one will be appreciated by the native English speakers, so apologies to those to whom English is a second (or third) language:

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete"
and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in
London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make
that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say
there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the
difference in a way that is easy to understand."

Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are
'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the
right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Nice works: Ha ha!

How many physiologists does it take to change a light bulb?


Only one, but the light bulb must really, really ...want to change

What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up at night, wondering if there really is a dog.

they were studying for a blood test

Why did the vampire stay up all night?

ketchuplover: Thanks! About time we got some action

ketchuplover: Like em!

Q:. How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: You weren't there man!

Guy in a rain coat flashes a Jewish woman
Woman-"You call that a lining?"

Why don't we have more jokes? Is it that something funny happens only once or twice a year? I have posted here three times in 18 months, and only one other joke since July 2019. I know how important it is to win games, but what what about a bit of fun along the way.
If three people will post a joke her in the next seven days, I post another three. Promise!!

pgt: Naw!

There was a time when we got a new joke every day, What's happened? Doesn't anybody have anything funny to say these days?

pgt:

Indeed! :D

Did you know that there are absolutely no canaries in the Canary Islands. It's exactly the same in the Virgin Islands.



There are no canaries there either

Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.

pgt:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

earldrake1:

Space Jam is correct!

ketchuplover: Space Jam? Or maybe ketchup, since it goes with everything.

ketchuplover: An unidentified frying object.

ketchuplover: Riddles that last longer than about 30 seconds get a bit boring!

ketchuplover: I will hope the answer is funnier than a fart in a space suit.

their toast?