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 Jokes

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9. June 2005, 19:22:21
ClayNashvilleTN 
Subject: Redneck Southern Dictionary
Since Fencer is expanding the language base I am submitting the following for his consideration since I am from Tennessee and the only way you can now understand anything I say, I have to run it through "SPELL CHECK" first.

This here dictionary is to learn you city folk how to talk right in the South

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1) HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting

2) HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

3) BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow". Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

4) JAWJUH - (noun) - the state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it to
Lanner."

5) BAMMER - (noun) - the state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvments."

6) MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar dvision. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

7) THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

8 BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a nutter bare."

9) IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native". Usage: "Them Bammer boys shore are ignert!"

10 RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "Ah thank ah left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

11) ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "Ah shore hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

12) FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thang's gonna catch far."

13) TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, ah hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

14) TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, ah shore do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

15) RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

16) FAT - (noun and verb) - A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup yuh."

17) RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

18 CHEER - (adverb) - In this place. Usage: "Jest set that bare rat cheer."

19) FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddin't unnerstan a wurd he sed... mus be from some farn country."

20 DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

21) ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some are!"

22) BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that there bob war fence."

23) JEW HERE - (pronoun and verb) - Contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?

24) HAZE - (pronoun and verb) - A contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart? Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

25) SEED - (verb) - Past tense of "to see". Usage: "Ah ain't never seed Noo Yawk City."

26) VIEW - (verb and pronoun) - Contraction. Usage: "Ah ain't never seed Noo Yawk City ... view?"

27) GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

28 FIXIN' - (verb) - Preparing to. Usage: "Ah's just fixin' to do that now."

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