Thank you Skyking. (taking a bow). Really though, it was low.

JOHN KERRY AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

So this guy walks into a bar...OUCH!

Here's another one: A blonde and a brunette are skydiving (I don't know why I like sky-diving jokes so much). When they reach the correct altitude, they jump. The blonde jumps first and pulls her rip cord (surprisingly enough) and the chute opens. Then the brunette jumps and pulls her cord. Her chute doesn't open. She flies past the blonde who is floating gracefully back to earth. The blonde sees her and gets angry. She says "Oh, so you want to race, huh?" and she throws off her parachute...

Three men were sky-diving one day and they were pretty scared. Their instructor advised them if anything should go wrong to call out to Buddha. They were to say "Oh Buddha, oh Buddha" and they would be saved. Well, the first two jumped and landed safely on the ground. The third man jumped and pulled his rip cord. The parachute didn't open! He called out to Buddha: "Oh Buddha, oh buddha!" At once, a hand came down and caught him. "Thank God," he said and he was dropped...

A man was putting shingles on the second storey roof of his house when he slipped. As he was falling, he cried out to God: "Help me, please!". Just as he cleared the edge of the roof, his beltloop caught a nail. He climbed back up and said, "Nevermind God, I caught a nail."