All truth goes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Then, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident.

I bought a dog the other day and named him Stay. It was fun to call him. Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay...Finally he went insane.

Give a jackass an education, you end up with a smart*ss

Give a man a fish and you can feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish then you can sell him tackle.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

I read a report that said the typical symptoms of stress were eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Who are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

A new study has found that licking a frog cures depression. But there is a down side, when you stop licking a frog it gets depressed again.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving..