over there!

pgt:

No jokes for about six months! What a sad world!

Ok!!

Someone stole my credit card, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did!

2 out of 3 words using the letters s a m p aren't bad

water bed is frozen" - Rodney Dangerfield

the 5th of November

They fell in glove :)

pgt:

INFINITE GUFFAWAGE :)

ooookkkkk

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought “That’s the last thing I need!”

stingray1: Yep yep good

haha

Q. What goes oh! oh! oh!?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
A. Rude-olph!

Q. What kind of music do Santa's helpers like?
A. Wrap music!

Q.What's every parent's favorite Christmas carol?
A. Silent Night!

pgt:

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

stingray1: correcting my typo to wrap music,

Where do mummies go for a swim? Answer : to the dead sea !!! To
What kind of music do mummies like? Answer: wrap must !!!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

with launching the United States' nuclear arsenal ....citizens are encouraged to evacuate now!

And nothing funny has happened in the whole world for two months!

pgt: :) :)

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

Stay away from negative people, they have a problem for every solution.

Albert Einstein

pgt: True!

It would have been nice to have something more than a couple of riddles, but at least we are getting some action. This one will be appreciated by the native English speakers, so apologies to those to whom English is a second (or third) language:

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete"
and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in
London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make
that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say
there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the
difference in a way that is easy to understand."

Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are
'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the
right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Nice works: Ha ha!

How many physiologists does it take to change a light bulb?


Only one, but the light bulb must really, really ...want to change

What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up at night, wondering if there really is a dog.

they were studying for a blood test

Why did the vampire stay up all night?

ketchuplover: Thanks! About time we got some action

ketchuplover: Like em!

Q:. How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: You weren't there man!

Guy in a rain coat flashes a Jewish woman
Woman-"You call that a lining?"

Why don't we have more jokes? Is it that something funny happens only once or twice a year? I have posted here three times in 18 months, and only one other joke since July 2019. I know how important it is to win games, but what what about a bit of fun along the way.
If three people will post a joke her in the next seven days, I post another three. Promise!!

pgt: Naw!

There was a time when we got a new joke every day, What's happened? Doesn't anybody have anything funny to say these days?

pgt:

Indeed! :D

Did you know that there are absolutely no canaries in the Canary Islands. It's exactly the same in the Virgin Islands.



There are no canaries there either

Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.

pgt:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

earldrake1:

Space Jam is correct!

ketchuplover: Space Jam? Or maybe ketchup, since it goes with everything.

ketchuplover: An unidentified frying object.

ketchuplover: Riddles that last longer than about 30 seconds get a bit boring!

ketchuplover: I will hope the answer is funnier than a fart in a space suit.

their toast?

pgt: Its the Nigel part..that his name is Nigel..not grasshopper

Skyking:

stop it man you're killing me :)

By the way I was stationed in the Aleutian islands at Shemya AFB>

Puns for the Educated Mind

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, But it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky-maker, But he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, Because
it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, It'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road And was cited for
littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France Would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray Is now a
seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary,
They got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, You'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane.
The stewardess says, 'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per
passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was a person who sent ten puns to friends, With the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.