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 Jokes

A place to share jokes, funny stories, and to just laugh in general :-)



Please remember this board can be (and is) accessed by children.
All jokes should be family friendly.
No profanity
No jokes of a sexual nature

KEEP IT PG rated

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21. september 2004, 17:48:15
APolaris 
In other words, you can't admit to lying because then you'd be saying that, as you said the statement, you were lying... meaning you were NOT telling the truth.

21. september 2004, 17:47:11
APolaris 
But if you say "I am lying," and are telling the truth, then you are not telling the truth because you are lying, but also telling the truth. If when you say "I am lying" you are lying, then you are telling the truth but also lying. So when you say randomly "I am lying" you cannot possibly be telling the truth OR lying because you are doing the other. So you are doing neither.

21. september 2004, 03:48:35
APolaris 
Then she said, "I am lying."

21. september 2004, 02:45:42
APolaris 
Are the explorer and the woman the same person?

21. september 2004, 01:00:35
APolaris 
Here's one. All of us are different creatures; all of us have different features. One of us in glass is set, another you'll find in jet. One of us you'll find in tin, and a fourth is boxed within. If the fifth you should pursue, it can never fly from you. What are we?

21. september 2004, 00:59:28
APolaris 
Yesterday was Dec. 31 and it was your birthday. You turned 18 on that day, therefore on Dec. 31 of this year you will turn 19 and of next year 20.

14. september 2004, 18:05:36
APolaris 
I've seen that before, but it might have been in a different form... the one I remember had wife 1.0 crashing and refusing to turn back on whenever you tried to run online poker games.

12. september 2004, 18:19:32
APolaris 
Emne: A good reason to avoid crack at all costs
If you want a good reason, simply view the following. This is your brain on it.

http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/18702

12. september 2004, 03:48:45
APolaris 
It makes you wonder what would happen if a teacher tried to play the "name game" with a preschool class and some poor kid's name was Chuck, Mitch, Rich/Richie, or Daggett. Dennis doesn't sound so appealing either.

11. september 2004, 21:40:51
APolaris 
1. You're right. That isn't Kirk. Leonard Nimoy plays Spock.
2. Yes, it IS Leonard Nimoy. Want proof? http://www.game-revolution.com/download/goodies/bilbo.htm
Just go there.

11. september 2004, 03:15:24
APolaris 
Is he worse than Leonard? I've heard rumors, but I just can't picture it. I sent this video to my friend Sarah and she is still trying to recover from the trauma. And she couldn't even hear the song either! Also, my friend Richie from back home watched AND heard it. He has yet to stop having nightmares and is afraid of the possibility that life could get any worse than that... in fact, I have myself lost all faith in Man because of it. What am I doing? Where am I? Get me out of this world!!!!!!! :-|

11. september 2004, 01:35:24
APolaris 
Emne: The funniest video ever made... with absoultion.
I just couldn't resist putting this one up, so youi guys can honestly claim to have seen the worst music video ever made. After this you will be Enlightened, and all sense of depression and worthlessness you have will be cured by the sheer badness of this video and Spock's singing voice... and I don't mean bad-assness, just... badness. I exist to spread the word as I have been given a New Purpose. Watch the music video at the below link... I dare you. And yes, that really is Leonard Nimoy, aka Mr. Spock. If you don't know who he is this probably won't seem like as much of an embarassment.

http://www.straightnochaser.org/Ballad%20of%20Bilbo%20Baggins.mov

BUT WAIT!

To help influence your decision to commit this grand form of suicide, you may wish to read various commentaries on it. Fortunately I have assembled some from various websites!



"I warn you, the images are so odd, they will take up a permanent, unshakable residence in your head." - widepipe.org

"Not satisfied with his musical disembowling of the most popular sci-fi series of all time, Mr. Nimoy turned his substantial talents towards the works of an elderly British fantasy literature writer. In the course of the 2 minutes 18 seconds of horror that follow, not only is the plot of the entire novel given away but Nimoy knowingly lets the listener in on what Bilbo is really smoking in his pipe down in that wacky hobbit-hole. There is also a bassoon solo. It would take Jimmy Page and Robert Plant years of hard work to come up with worse Tolkien inspired drivel. Recently unearthed is the long-hidden music video to go along with the song. I don't think Bilbo was the only one puffin' on his pipe." - someone reviewing an album of Spock's

"Yes, Leonard Nimoy really sang that song. There is a video. It is the greatest video ever made. Watch it now." - Maker of the newgrounds.com video "One Ring to Rule them All 2"

"Freaking hilarious!" - chasem.net

"I had never heard that little ditty, and it was truly sad. :("
"The horror... The horror..."

"I am going to rip my testicles off after having seen that..."

"I thought it was kinda cute...."

"Nooo....! Nooooo....!!! It's not CUTE! IT IS NOT.... CUUUUTE! I will never be the same again! I am poisoned! Tainted! That has to be the most horrible, horrible, horrible thing I have ever seen... IT BURRRRRNS! GAHHHH! AARRRGGGHHH! KILL ME! KILLLL ME NOWWW!"

"CAUTION: Viewing this video has been known to cause grand mal seizures, uncontrollable projectile vomitting, and cancer of the soul."

"How can you NOT like this video? I'm addicted! I need to see it at least once a day. I want to know if Peter Jackson will use this song when he makes "The Hobbit" movie."

- readers of "Kestrel's Nest"

"Somewhere along the road of his career, someone convinced Leanord Nimoy it would be a good idea to sing a little jingle about Bilbo Baggins and his adventures in Middle Earth. What resulted was something that could only ever have sprouted life in the 70's. They decided to call it "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins". It's one of those things that is both funny and disturbing at the same time. If you want to witness what is most likely Leanord Nimoy's biggest embarrasment of his career, one that he probably still looks back on and thinks, why the hell did I ever do that" - some guy named Kevin's weblog

"Category: really bad music. Leanord Nimoy's singing is infamous among Trekkies (not to mention William Shatner's), but who knew there was video evidence? Just to remove whatever semblance of sanity you thought you had left, GR proudly presents our friend Mr. Spock singing "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins." Most illuminating" - game-revolution.com

"The rumor is that one of the dancers also played a part in a Star Trek episode." - tolkeincollector.com

"Goodness, I'm sure he's happy most of the world has forgotten this!" - guy on nineinchnerds forum

"After seeing this, no star trek actor ever has the right to complain about being typecast ever again. You know you love it." - some guy whose webpage also contains an old commercial done by Will Ferrel

...


In other news... if you want to see something that's funny without being just plain bad, you can always watch the greatest Lord of the Rings parody of all time:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/88286

Also check out how that was made!

http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/155304 under forging the one ring. Funniest thing you will ever see!

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